Legend of Zelda: the BASS of TIME!
by Quandtuniverse
Summary: Oh no, not another crazy fangirl gets sucked into Hyrule and follows Link around fic! But alas, it is true. Bow down to the BASS OF TIME!
1. Chapter 1

Hello, fellow Zelda addicts. No, this ain't a serious story, it's just a random thing off my head. Out of boredom. I have no idea where this is going so I may cancel it at any time. If you want some random weirdness, read on. If you prefer something more serious, check out my other fic, "Amnesia".

Please review. I'll give you a cookie! I don't mind flamers at all. I use them to make Ruto barbeques and roasted Navi. Not that I have anything against them, but it's so fun to torture people.

**DISCLAIMER: **I own a copy of Ocarina of Time, but not the copyrights. I own myself. I own a bass guitar. I don't own any other stuff you see here besides this story. I don't own Daniel, or Felipe. They own themselves. I own the Zelda shirt. I don't own a cat. I don't own Deku Babas or Deku Scrubs. I don't own Epona. I bet you want me to shut up now.

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a girl. This girl in particular lived in Maryland, USA. She had light brown curly hair, green eyes, and wore glasses. She also had 5 spots on her face and a scar on her chin, but that is unimportant. She was 14 years old. At this specific point in time she was wearing jeans and a black shirt that read "You know you're addicted to Zelda when..." and listed 13 different addiction signs, 8 of which she was she was proudly guilty. She also wore a red jacket, her most favorite. She happened to be sitting at a couch in her living room busily doodling a picture of Link. When the doodle no longer interested her, she turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, watched 15 minutes of The Simpsons, and turned on her GameCube, while holding down Z and listening to the modified opening noise on the GC logo, that always reminded her of Yoshi.

In her GameCube was the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Ocarina of Time: Master Quest game disk. She was playing the GameCube version because her N64 was busted. It greatly upset her, but she was happy to be able to play anyway.

She chose the regular OoT because she sucked at dungeons and wouldn't be able to get through Master Quest. Actually she sucked at every aspect of gaming, but it didn't bother her. As the game loaded to show her the Forest Temple, she hummed the Windmill Song, which was her favorite song besides the Gerudo Valley theme. Finally she was in the temple, and exited quickly before the Wolfos attacked. It still amazed her that she was able to get this far without help. However, she was too slow and dumb to beat Phantom Ganon, so she just decided to do something else, perhaps the fishing minigame? That was when paused the game and picked up her phone, dialing the number her mother had left her.

"Ugh, hello?" said a very familiar voice on the other side of the line.

"Hi Dani! It's Julia!" she said cheerfully.

"Julia? What the heck are you doing calling me at 1 in the morning? You could have woken dad up!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about the time difference... look, can you come here and beat Phantom Ganon for me?"

"WHAT? I can't just teleport over there, you know!"

"I thought I'd give it a shot."

"You're stupid."

"I know."

"..."

"..."

"...Just send me your memory card and I'll just go ahead and beat the real Ganon while I'm at it!"

"Oh oh, that's a no-no. You know what? I don't need your help! I'll beat him myself and then I'll GLOAT."

"SHUT UP."

"You don't need to be so rude!"

"Who's rude, calling me at 1 AM? Besides, I was talking to Felipe."

"Oh, Felipe's there, then! Tell him I said hi!"

"...Whatever. Bye."

"Bye," she said, and hung up. Apparently requesting her brother for help wasn't such a good idea, mainly because he lived in Brazil.

Instead of returning to her game, though, she took the doodle she made of Link and flipped it over on the other side, where she had printed a couple of bass tabs. She went to her bedroom and took her shiny red bass guitar and played the Gerudo Valley theme. She then decided on a new song she had never tried before, the Minuet of Forest. What she didn't know was that her bass was actually the magical Bass of Time. When she finished she felt as if she had to answer a yes or no question. _How odd,_ she thought. _Ah, the heck with it. Yes._

Instantly, green sparkly stuff started swirling around her and she felt very dizzy. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again she was somewhere she didn't expect to be.

"...The Lost Woods..." she mumbled quietly. She was standing right in front of the Forest Temple, bass still strapped around her shoulder. But the temple wasn't what awed her the most.

The fact that Link was standing right in front of her was almost enough for her to pass out.

The Hylian looked at her curiously, having watched her appear out of nowhere right in front of him. She smiled nervously, not knowing what to do now that she was face to face with her silly videogame character crush. Did I mention she had a crush on Link? Well, now you know. Anyway, she uneasily fingered her bass, noticing that she was still clutching her tabs in her left hand.

"Um... Nice weather, huh," she said, out of pure lack of what to say. But when Link answered, she found that she couldn't understand a word he was saying.

_Oh shoot! He's speaking Hylian!_ she deduced quickly. She had read a couple of Hylian dictionaries on the Internet, but she never really learned anything.

"Er... uh, I know you can't understand a word I'm saying, but, uh... um, my name is Julia," she said.

Link stared at her blankly for a moment, then said something that she knew must have meant "what?"

She decided she should go through the whole Tarzan-Jane routine and establish their names. Pointing to herself, she said "Julia." Pointing to him, she said "Link". She did this once more, and fingered her bass waiting for a reply.

Link said something unintelligible, but she recognized both their names in his sentence. Out of his hat zoomed the little ball of light that was Navi, who said something in that high-pitched voice of hers.

Pointing at the fairy, Julia said "Navi". Both Link and Navi seemed quite perplexed by the fact that she knew both their names, and Link seemed quite suspicious and edgy.

_Think, Julia, think, _she urged herself, feeling herself sweat. She looked down at her bass, and had an idea.

"Zelda," she said, and played Zelda's Lullaby.

Link recognized the song, but still looked at her suspiciously.

"Look," said Julia, abandoning all attempts at Hylian communication, "I got here by accident. I know who you are, Link. You are the Hero of Time. I know who Navi is. She's your guardian fairy. You grew up with the Kokiri, left the forest, met Zelda, got a stone from the Gorons, another from the Zoras, Ganondorf took over the world, you're off to free Saria from her doom. I have no idea why I'm saying this, but please don't be afraid of me." Link recognized the names.

He apparently decided that Julia presented no threat, said something and began to walk out of the forest, indicating her to follow. She did, and after killing a few beasts they were in the Kokiri forest where a Deku Baba promptly attacked them. He killed it, took out a few of the Octoroks and Deku Scrubs that infested the place because of the dark magic, and they exited through the other side of the forest.

In Hyrule Field, Link took out his ocarina and played Epona's Song. The horse came quickly, and Link mounted her. He signaled for Julia to mount too, and she did so hesitantly. The bass got in the way, so she moved it to her back. She liked horses, but she knew Link would be galloping, and she was scared. All she ever did was trot. She trusted him, and held tightly as they headed for Lon Lon Ranch.

* * *

In the next chapter, HAVOC AT LON LON RANCH! WOOO!

Yes, it is true that I was having trouble beating Phantom Ganon. But I did it! Haha! Now I'm in the Fire Temple. Yayness.

Review or flying monkeys will eat the sun and we will be plunged into a second ice age. You won't like it, I'm telling ya.

**DISCLAIMER PART 2: **I don't own Wolfos. I don't own the Ocarina of Time. I own LOZ doodles. I own a pillow. I don't own the Minuet of Forest. I don't own Gerudo Valley. I don't own Zelda's Lullaby. I don't own an iPod. I own a copy of Super Smash Brothers Melee but not the copyrights. I own Dema Narssasski. I own an ocarina. I own a GameCube but not the copyrights. Same goes for the Nintendo 64. I don't own The Simpsons.


	2. Double Deal

**HEYA FOLKS! **Wooow, took long to update. Things have been rather bumpy lately. I had to rewrite chapters for Amnesia and Link's Many Faces of Death countless times, but they're still not right! Anyway, here's a double deal: two chapters in one. Yay!

"Julia says: me no ownz LOZ, me ownz story, no sue, no steal!"

_

* * *

_

Bored.

_Bored._

_Bored._

_Still bored?_

_Yep. Still bored._

Those were the thoughts crawling through Julia's head. It had been a whole day at Lon Lon Ranch. Link had left not long after dropping her off, presumably telling Malon who she was (for Malon knew her name) and departing for the Forest Temple. Hylian was just a bunch of gibberish to her, but there was at least some basic communication. Namely, charades, drawings and pointing at stuff.

Julia learned how to play Epona's Song on her bass, which was kinda cool. She spent a lot of her spare time- that is, ALL of her time- playing random songs, avoiding anything magical should she create a storm or turn back time on accident or anything of the sort.. And she played, and played until her fingers got sore. Now she was waiting for dinner and watching the horses run around the field.

_Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do_, _do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do..._ She hummed to herself, her head dropping. She wondered where Link was now. She wished she could talk to him...

Then, out of the corner of her eye, she spied a Cucco. Delusional with boredom, Julia did what stupid girls like her tend to do. She ran after the Cucco intent on inflicting pain on the poor critter, even though she knew what would happen next.

It didn't take long for about a dozen Cuccos to fly after her, defending their comrade. She wasn't remarkably fast, but she could outrun the Cuccos allright- by jumping on a horse and running around the pasture, magically forgetting her fear of galloping (not really). She was in a fit of hysterical laughter, desperately trying to hold on to the horse, when Malon came out running, having heard the commotion. She was shouting, no doubt scolding Julia for being such a troublemaker. But Julia was laughing too hard to hear any of it, not that she could actually understand it.

Once the Cuccos and Julia were all calmed down, Malon proceeded to yell at her, which sent Julia back into her state of hysteria, laughing so hard she rolled around the ground. Suddenly, Malon stopped yelling, and consequently Julia stopped laughing, and looking up she saw why.

Link had returned!

Julia, the hyper little critter, ran straight up to Link (siiiiigh!) and bounced around him, positively enthusiastic to see him again. Malon walked up to her looking quite dejected. She mumbled something to Link, and they both rolled their eyes. Julia was too dense to notice anything, though.

And Julia pranced happily, humming a random song, as Malon told Link about Julia, and most certainly pleaded for him to take the blasted girl away. Julia skipped around Link again, naturally drunk, and Link saw he had no other choice but to take her along.

Who knew, she might actually be useful?

...Not likely, but he could use some company besides Navi. And so they headed off once again, to a very wild adventure... OF DOOM!

Now, I suppose you're wondering just how Julia stumbled upon the BASS of TIME in the first place.

But that's a story for another chapter!

**NEXT CHAPTER! **What? In the same document? Yeah, live with it!

Last chapter, we left our hero and the delusional leech headed for the next temple. And we also left a question hanging.

Just how did Julia end up with the BASS of TIME anyway?

Way back when, the world was nothing but chaos, and the three goddesses bla bla bla bla bla, you know the drill. Well, after they left the Triforce down on Hyrule, they started their projects on the magic instrument they would leave behind also. Before they considered the Ocarina, they went through many choices: the flute, the bongos, the violin... Until, that is, one of the Goddesses, namely Farore, came up with her brilliant new instrument.

(Insert dramatic music here)

The BASS!1111ONEONE

Din looked at Nayru.

Nayru looked at Din.

They both looked at the bass.

They both looked at Farore.

They both burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"Farore, dear, you're not seriously considering THAT," said Din, as best as she could without busting a gut.

"The BASS? No, seriously, there's no instrument more useless than a BASS," chirped Nayru, doubling over.

"I mean, You can't even hear it over the other instruments!"

"Pointless, purposeless, meaningless, USELESS!"

"The world would be a better place without it!"

"Indeed!"

Furious, Farore stomped out dragging her precious instrument with her to her private sanctuary.

"FINE! If they don't appreciate it, then maybe they don't deserve its greatness! Henceforth, this invaluable bass guitar shall be known as the BASS of TIME, and it shall contain all the magic of time and royal holiness, and it will only be activated by someone who TRULY values its magnitude and power!"

Meanwhile, Nayru held up a pretty blue ocarina.

"Waddaya think?"

"Pretty."

"Makes a sound like this," she said, and blew a few notes.

"Pretty."

"So? Should we?"

"Pretty."

"Ok! Henceforth, this shall be known as the OCARINA of TIME!"

"w00t."

"So?"

"It's pretty. And blue."

"PERFECT!"

And thus, The Ocarina of Time and the BASS of TIME were born.

Well, the Ocarina got passed down through the generations of the Royal Family of Hyrule, but Farore never told the others what she did. She knew that nobody would appreciate the greatness of the bass in Hyrule, so she sent it to a parallel dimension.

February 2005. A man, owner of a music store, rummages through the many boxes, doing the monthly inventory assessment. He finds a guitar case he didn't remember purchasing. He opens it up and...

Da da da DAAAAA!

A shiny, prettyfull red bass guitar is lying there, brand new. The man shakes his head.

"BWAHAHAHA! A BASS? The most useless instrument on the face of the planet? Why would I even buy such a thing? Ebay, here I come! I doubt anyone will buy it though... but surely there's someone out there crazy enough to buy a BASS!" He closes the case, shaking with laughter.

And somewhere a few miles away, a certain girl named Julia, who's about to become 13, is commenting certain things with her mother.

"You know mom? Wouldn't it be cool if I could play the bass?"

This is what her mother thought.

"WAHAHAHA! THE BASS? The most useless instrument on the face of the planet? She's gotta be kidding!"

But of course, as a mother, this is what she said.

"Oh dearie! That's soooo nice!"

Heh.

A few days later, Julia wakes up on her birthday and receives a big package, and when she opens it up...

A SHINY NEW RED BASS! YAY!

And that, friends, is how the BASS of TIME came into Julia's possession.

Unfortunately, there's no more time to continue this chapter. So long, suckers!

* * *

All of you bass players share the torture of never being recognized xX UNITE AND CONQUER! BASS PLAYERS SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

Oh yeah. Don't forget to review. Bye bye!

-Julia  
Signing off


	3. The One With the Meat on a Stick

I have no excuses.

**Disclaimer:** If LOZ were mine, Twilight Princess would take three times longer to come out.

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"99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ON E DOWN AND PASS IT AROUND, 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!"

Julia's off-key singing resounded across Hyrule Field, scaring away anyone who heard it. Her ultra-short attention span meant she got bored the moment they left Lon Lon Ranch, and naturally she had to do something about it.

Singing.

And of course Link had to endure what would be the most terribly annoying ride of his life. He was considering chopping her head off with the Master Sword, but she was currently holding tight around his waist with her arms, and a struggle atop a moving horse was the last thing he wanted. Plus, she could be of some use.

Or not.

But as Kakariko came into view, and Julia reached 56 bottles, she once more got bored and quieted down, to the relief of every living creature within a 100-mile radius. They arrived at the village just as the sun started to sink to about midway across the sky, which was tinged with yellow, looking as if it were painted with watercolors.

Oh, the beauty!

Link headed off somewhere, and Julia wandered about around the small village, realizing for the first time since she arrived in Hyrule that she was hungry.

But she still had plenty of energy to spend, and decided to chase a couple butterflies fluttering around the place. Everyone looked at her as if she were crazy, and after running around in circles for a few minutes, her head started spinning. She sat down for a bit to rest on the grass, and before she knew it, her eyes were closed and she drifted off to dreamland.

-+-+-+-

Julia's eyes opened slowly.

White.

That was the first thing she saw.

Something white.

It looked like a wall, or a ceiling; her half-awake brain couldn't decide. Something underneath her was soft, but not like grass; more like straw covered with a sheet. She tried moving her arms, but they flailed helplessly to the side and not up like she wanted.

It was always that way when she woke up.

She growled, feeling her stomach stick to her back pleading for food. Something smelled awfully delicious. Forcing her brain to get in gear, she sat up.

The white thing she had seen had indeed been a wall. She was sitting on and old bed with a mattress made out of straw. There was another bed right across from hers, and to her right was a tablet set for two. In the far corner was a rudimentary kitchen, where an old lady added ingredients to a pot.

So that's where the smell came from!

The lady turned around when she heard the girl stirring. She smiled, said something Julia couldn't understand and pointed to the table as if to say, "Come on, take a seat!"

Julia jumped at this and quickly sat down at the table, eager to fill her empty tummy. Her lovely dinner consisted of soup, some meat on a stick, bread, and mashed potatoes. Julia tore a piece of bread, soaked it in soup, wrapped it around the meat and bit through like an angry wolf. She left the potatoes untouched.

It took her a while to realize the lady was saying something. But, since she couldn't understand anything anyway, she munched quietly and listened, trying to extract some meaning from all the gibberish.

Now that she had eaten, however, she realized Link was nowhere around. And how long had she been sleeping? Had Link gone off to the next temple without her?

Was she all alone in a world full of people she could not understand?

"I'msorryexcusemepleaseIhavetogobye!" she said, jolting up, stuffing some bread in her jacket pocket and bowing quickly, leaving through the door in a clumsy yet swift manner.

Outside, the sky was creeping purple, not quite day, not quite night. Was this what they called the twilight? She walked hastily up the trail that would lead to Death Mountain. Darkness would be falling fast and Death Mountain didn't get its name for nothing.

Up the trail she trekked, feeling the cool evening breeze sweep down. It was awfully quiet there, and it was making her nervous. Suddenly, in the shadows, she saw something move.

It was a Tektite, and a very big one at that. Julia froze, watching the creature scamper along. It seemed uninterested in her. But just as she sighed in relief, the Tektite came back, likely hoping for an easy dinner.

"STAY RIGHT THERE! I DO KARATE, JUDO, KUNG FU AND TAE-KWON-DO!" she shouted, jumping into a fighting stance that didn't seem very intimidating. She was actually a terrible fighter, and she never took judo, karate, kung fu or tae-kwon-do, but what do Tektites know about martial arts anyway? The Tektite backed off, and Julia shook her fist at it.

"YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN!" she shouted, smiling in satisfaction, only to look up and see Link shooing the critter away and swinging his sword.

"My hero!" Julia whooped, swaying dramatically with sparkles in her eyes. Link turned around and gave Julia a look that said, "you must be crazy to have come here after me at night."

Julia shrugged.

He sighed and nodded his head up the trail. Navi buzzed out of his hat and zipped over to where Julia was, ramming lightly against the back of her head.

"Okay! Sheesh! I'm going," Julia groaned, walking up to Link. And so they hiked up the mountain, ready for their next challenge.

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Um... I'll try writing over the weekend... I have no idea when I'm going to update... Ugh.


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